Adjustment – That Hidden Enemy Of Women Whom We So Readily Befriend!

Expecting one sided adjustment only from women is unfair. Yet so many of us readily do it. If this is not conditioning by patriarchy, what is this?

It is widely said by many that nowadays women have developed a lot when compared to the women thirty or forty years ago. The common perception is that as many of us go for jobs, we are said to be independent and enjoy a lot these days. Is this really true? I don’t know.

I feel that there is not much improvement in many of us irrespective of our jobs due to a hidden enemy which always defeats us. This enemy is so smart that we don’t even know that it hinders our growth. The main problem here is that we don’t realize our blunder and even feel proud to get defeated by this enemy…

I am talking about “ADJUSTMENT”  which I strongly feel is the hidden enemy for many of us. It is like a curse and many of us would have heard of this word from early days of our life. It is said that we have to adjust a lot to be happy in our life. I have wondered many times that why it is said mostly to women and not men!

There are few of us who adjust to everything in life. We always want to be a role model and think of others’ happiness first and sacrifice a lot. We are wired in such a way that we think that it is our sole responsibility to serve others and we adjust without having the things that we yearned for.

I personally feel that adjustment causes more pain to us. Let me explain. As we adjust, we expect the same from others and we are happy if it is reciprocated by others. If not, we are upset towards them and it pains us a lot. It is almost as if women are expected to do this adjustment without expectations.

This hidden enemy attacks us a lot after marriage. Many of us are brought up like a princess in our parents’ home irrespective of our economic status. We get many things we wish for and enjoy our life a lot. It is natural that we have a little fear/anxiety regarding our future married life and if we are going to live in a joint family then we are worried more. At this stage, this adjustment advice is given to us by many people.

I am living in a joint family for many years and from my experience, I strongly feel that we need not win in the race to be the best daughter in law. Others expect a lot from us due to this, and we may feel pressurized to perform some activities even if we don’t wish to do it. It hurts us when others don’t reciprocate it and we are taken for granted.

I am not against mutual adjustment in any relationship..I wish to reiterate that adjustment shouldn’t always be one sided, and there is no hard and fast rule that only women should always adjust!!

It is high time that we fight against our hidden enemy and always emerge as an unbeatable winner in our life!

Published  here earlier.

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13 thoughts on “Adjustment – That Hidden Enemy Of Women Whom We So Readily Befriend!

  1. ‘Adjustment’ has strong ties with ‘Self-Respect’. Women tend to adjust to the situation at the unworthy expense of their self respect, and when that vicious circle begins, it is a downward spiral.
    I personally see no harm in adjustment. It is a part of being in a relationship, any relationship that has an equal give and take characteristic. However, when it comes at the cost of only one person’s self respect, it can have dire consequences for the person in question as well as the strength of said relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally agree. Husband does adjust too, but that’s more because he has no option! We should not kill our individuality in the process of adjusting. Relationships are about give and take, but we must stive for a balance in the giving and taking.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Adjustment is something that comes at every moment of life. Have to adjust with something or the other. Sometimes against one’s own wishes too, sometimes willingly. The problem often arises if not done willingly, as it leads to resentment. I also feel mostly women are expected to always adjust and that is definitely an enemy of women. Thank you for writing this, it needed to be said.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Completely agree with you Sadhuvi. I feel why does our Indian society relate this ‘adjustment’ word so strongly with only females. Why do women adjust most of the times? There is no denying that now there are men who adjust too, yet, I’m sure the adjustment is never 50-50.

    Liked by 1 person

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